and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
