I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
