i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize