her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I color on your dick again?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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