i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
