Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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