UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
