My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
