I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
