The maid of honor just puked.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize