Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
