Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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