I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
