She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
