no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
