girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
