I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
