the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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