hotel room ftw
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
