Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
