Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
