That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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