I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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