Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
