In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
