I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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