that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Green mimosas i think yes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
