when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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