You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
