You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
