Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
