did you get engaged???
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
