Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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