I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
