She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
