I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
