So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
