Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
