oh god the rape fog is back!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
