Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
