He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
