Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
