New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
