90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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