I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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