Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
