I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
