My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found the puke drawer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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