i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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