went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My cat gives me a boner
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
