i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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