oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
