I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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