Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm passing your future prison.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
