i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
