I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
