it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
