I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
