either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is the high leading the old right now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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