question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize