Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
BRING THE BAGELS
wow bdsm is so cute
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
