i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
