Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My life is pants optional.
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