I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
