my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The power of my boobs compel you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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