You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
