Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
