I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
