1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
