just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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