I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
