i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
