garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
