i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize