It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
