I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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