as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
