A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
