can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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