Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
