I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
