Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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