Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
