omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How naked do you want me to be?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
