"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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