Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize