just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
