Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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