I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
