I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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