I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
