somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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