3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
