My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
