So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize