i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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