I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
