She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
