You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
