I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
