I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
