Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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