I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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