i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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