well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize