I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
