Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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