Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
